SENIORITIS

I have officially been diagnosed with Senioritis. All I can think about is my future. I can't wait to work at camp, it is seriously a dream come true. The fact that I get to be a counselor is SO amazing, every week I will have the chance to be a romodel to so many little kids, every week I can help others learn about the amazing savior that has taken over me and my life. I get to be with so many amazing, loving people who will build me up and help me grow is SO many ways. THEN I get to go off to Cincinnati Chirstian University, where I will be working right in the city, in the "not so good" areas. I'll get to be an example of the joy that Christ brings to kids that don't get a lot of joy. God is going to prepare me SO much, so that I can go out and love others. Not just in the way we say, "yea I luv him so much" but in a way that models the way Christ loves me. God I'm just so excited about what you have planned for me, and how you are going to use me. Everything just seems so close I can smell it...and going to school EVERY day and sitting there of 7 hours is just so hard. I want to be able to enjoy everything that I have. I don't want to rush through highschool, but at the same time, I want to wake up tomorrow, put on my cap and gown and receive my diploma. (may 19th!!!) by the way mieshe..or whoever, I'm having a grad. party on May 20th, and you gotta come. Anywho, I have to go pick up my brother, and hopefully force myself to study for my biology test....I luv ya, and I hear you are coming home this weekend for spring break, and that is SOOO exciting, I can't wait to see you, the 4 need to hang out again! Chau!!

no church today...8-(

So, I'm at my job, and I have some work to do, cuz it's a job....lol, on the weekends my job as a receptionist is really slow, so I kinda get to chill out. But today I can't go to church! And that is hard, cuz I love going to church..lol. So...I decided to bring the church to me, I brought my bible, and a cd player to play worship music! Now all I need is communion and some other people!
Lately I've been kinda discouraged. It is really hard for me to see my Christian friends falter in their walk with Christ. I see so many people say things like, "I wanna live for Him" and "Every minute of my life is for Him" and then they get caught up in things of this world, and sometimes they don't even see that those two statements create a paradox. (if I used this word right, that means that they are both opposite)
Jesus should be a part of every aspect of our lives. It isn't just the guy everyone talks about on Sunday mornings. He is real, and alive, and wants all of us! I am guilty of all of these things, there are still parts of me that I hold back, and refuse to let God change. Just yesterday I got some pretty harsh criticism, that I needed to hear, but it was still hard. I'm working on myself all the time.
The other day I was talking with Sarah about something that I've been thinking about lately. Think about what you are certain about. You know that the sun will rise in the morning, and you know that after winter will come the spring, and that what goes up must come down cuz there is gravity. I want all of the things that I'm "certain" about to come after my faith and trust in God. I want to know that God loves me and He is working in my life before I know that the sky is blue. So...that's my challenge to myself...I love you guys...or michelle...or whoever reads this.

I am SOOO excited!

I really can't wait for the National Missions Convention! Not only will I be able to meet missionaries from all over the world that are doing exactly what I want to do, but there's a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant right next to the Hotel! I am gonna throw down! Anywho, I can't wait to talk to them about college stuff, I am already thinking of good questions to ask, and I just can't wait. Maybe I'll find the next place I am going to go! WOOO HOOO! Oh and not only will Jack,Janine,and Jayme be there, but David will be there. He is one of the interns I was with this summer, and I haven't seen or talked to him since he left a day before us. I am going to give him such a big hug. Speaking of Chile, I talked to my friend from there for 2 and a half hours yesterday, and it left me in a better mood than homwork would have, lol. I am excited for bible study tonight, and yea....goooo JESUS!!! -Manders!

soooo tired

SO today I woke up, and I seriously thought that I had only been sleeping for about an hour. I went to bed late and in a really bad mood because of a last minute project. When I don't get sleep, I just suck so much. I can't function, and I snap off on people. So, I woke up and everything just seemed so wrong, our shower is broken, and I could just keep going. I hate when my bad mood overpowers my desire to minister to people. I hate when I can't control how I feel. So then in class, I started writing in my journal, that I just want to start this day fresh, and to not let all of the 1,000's of things that I'm doing overwhelm me so much, cuz they will all be over soon. But I know that I'm slipping. I can feel it in everything I do, whether it is my grades or homework, or even my quiet time with God. I want to be able to handle things under pressure, but I'm really not good at it. Missionary's are required to be flexible, and I am really not most of the time. I hope that I can just relax, and not worry so much about every little thing. I work now, and my play is friday, and I have to write, and memorize a speech by December 2nd. Along with all of that I have tests and homework, college stuff, scholarship stuff that I haven't done at all, and so many other things. Today in the car my mom and I just said that we both felt like we were dumping on eachother. When I'm stressed, I want them to let up and be nice, but I don't even realize how stressed they are. I'm a huge mess. The verse on the bottom page of my journal today made me feel a little better, it says,"He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak." Isaiah 40:29.
The Message Bible Says: Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and do. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see and imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts."
Well, I certainly feel a bit better, I just wish I wasn't such an overly emotional girl!
Oh and meesh, thanks again for all the b-day stuff yesterday, you both made me feel extra special! Guess what?! I think that for once in so long, I will be with you on your b-day, at camp! Not in Chile or anywhere else. This summer is looking better and better!

during school

Hey, meesh..or whoever might read this.
I'm having a really bad day at school so I decided to come in here (library) and write. But I don't even know what to do. It's like I know that things will get better, and work out. But it is so hard before they do. All I want to do is go get ready for college. I haven't even applied. Everyone keeps wondering why I haven't, and I just don't know when to get it all done. I have play, and snowball and just so many things going on. Oh and get this, the job that I don't want but everyone is pressuring me to get might be giving me orientation on Wednesday. How am I going to do so many things at once and work, I think my family only values hard work when it produces money, it's like I'm not as good as my siblings because I'm not working, in fact they all shove it in my face. I'm not good at doing so many things at once already. I can't wait until I know where I am going to college, and how I am paying for it. I really can't! I just want to fast forward through this hard part of everything. I'm sick of yelling and fighting and crying. I wish I could get away. I CAN'T WAIT until the NMC. I am going to be sooooo encouraged and excited by meeting so many people who are doing what I want to do. Today I walked to school crying cuz my brother left me, I keep feeling like I can't even explain to people how I feel, and then I feel all alone, it's all so dumb cuz I have God the father who understands everything. But as cheryl and I said before, sometimes we need some physical, tangible comfort. Well, time to go to another class. I love ya!

something I've learned

Hey people,
I dunno who still reads these things, it seems that myspace has taked over the world. But for those of you who do, hi! I just finnished a really great book called, "Blue like Jazz" it kinda makes you look at Christianity in a different way, a real way. While reading this book I learned a lot of really cool things, and one of them I want to share with you.
I've realized that our faith is ours. It isn't what other people think about your faith. As Christians I think we tend to grade eachother on who is the most souled out for Jesus. Sometimes we tend to think that the person sitting down during worship, isn't as strong and fired up about Jesus as the person with their arms up in the air. Sometimes if someone doesn't pray outloud very often we assume that they don't like to talk to God like others do. The truth is we end up making a lot of wrong assumptions.
God sees beyond those things, as sees our hearts. When God was deciding who was going to go up against Goliath he said that he doesn't look at us as the world does, but sees our true hearts.
I think I've tried to dress up my faith, and my walk with Christ. I'm not saying that I was lying, cuz I know that I am in love with Jesus, and I am a new creation. But I also know that I feel stronger when others think I am strong. The only thing that God sees is my heart, and what is really inside of there.
I don't know if any of you have done what I have done. But now, I am focused on my faith, my real spirituality, my real walk with Christ. I love you all! -Mandy

I forgot I had a blog

I seriously forgot this thing existed! LOL !