during school

Hey, meesh..or whoever might read this.
I'm having a really bad day at school so I decided to come in here (library) and write. But I don't even know what to do. It's like I know that things will get better, and work out. But it is so hard before they do. All I want to do is go get ready for college. I haven't even applied. Everyone keeps wondering why I haven't, and I just don't know when to get it all done. I have play, and snowball and just so many things going on. Oh and get this, the job that I don't want but everyone is pressuring me to get might be giving me orientation on Wednesday. How am I going to do so many things at once and work, I think my family only values hard work when it produces money, it's like I'm not as good as my siblings because I'm not working, in fact they all shove it in my face. I'm not good at doing so many things at once already. I can't wait until I know where I am going to college, and how I am paying for it. I really can't! I just want to fast forward through this hard part of everything. I'm sick of yelling and fighting and crying. I wish I could get away. I CAN'T WAIT until the NMC. I am going to be sooooo encouraged and excited by meeting so many people who are doing what I want to do. Today I walked to school crying cuz my brother left me, I keep feeling like I can't even explain to people how I feel, and then I feel all alone, it's all so dumb cuz I have God the father who understands everything. But as cheryl and I said before, sometimes we need some physical, tangible comfort. Well, time to go to another class. I love ya!

something I've learned

Hey people,
I dunno who still reads these things, it seems that myspace has taked over the world. But for those of you who do, hi! I just finnished a really great book called, "Blue like Jazz" it kinda makes you look at Christianity in a different way, a real way. While reading this book I learned a lot of really cool things, and one of them I want to share with you.
I've realized that our faith is ours. It isn't what other people think about your faith. As Christians I think we tend to grade eachother on who is the most souled out for Jesus. Sometimes we tend to think that the person sitting down during worship, isn't as strong and fired up about Jesus as the person with their arms up in the air. Sometimes if someone doesn't pray outloud very often we assume that they don't like to talk to God like others do. The truth is we end up making a lot of wrong assumptions.
God sees beyond those things, as sees our hearts. When God was deciding who was going to go up against Goliath he said that he doesn't look at us as the world does, but sees our true hearts.
I think I've tried to dress up my faith, and my walk with Christ. I'm not saying that I was lying, cuz I know that I am in love with Jesus, and I am a new creation. But I also know that I feel stronger when others think I am strong. The only thing that God sees is my heart, and what is really inside of there.
I don't know if any of you have done what I have done. But now, I am focused on my faith, my real spirituality, my real walk with Christ. I love you all! -Mandy